His Splattered Contents.

He's feeling so inadequate today. Not bad about himself. But not quite good enough. Never present enough. Or broad enough at the shoulders enough. It's not cold enough to cover up enough. Not bulging enough. He's not bursting. He's not swelling enough. Not lead role enough. Doesn't dress well enough. Not enough money, enough. Doesn't lift enough weight, enough.


So much doubt. don't hurt in public doubt. don't cry too loud doubt. don't betray your weakness doubt. Walk with purpose, doubt. Don't wear that tank top in public doubt. take your T-shirt off in a carefree way, doubt. What will they say doubt. He loves boys doubt. But he was never one of them. He's not beautiful enough, doubt. don't take those doubt. you could take them though doubt. don't go there doubt. don't take God's name in vain doubt. Don't shove your finger up His glorious fucking dominion doubt. don't just give up yet doubt. don't jump doubt. don't jump yet doubt. there's a balcony and opportunity so you really can doubt. 8th floor doubt. Will they pick up the splattered contents of your spilled over soul and make something new and beautiful out of it doubt? Will they hear doubt? Will they ask doubt? Will they call the authorities? Will they shout doubt? Will the Earth pause for a moment doubt. Jump! Too late doubt. You could have gone for the coloured pills, doubt. You should have, doubt. Judy will welcome you at the other side, doubt. Rainbows are real, doubt. You had a life, doubt. You had his love, doubt. He looked into your eyes and said, and meant it too, "You are the most beautiful thing I ever saw" doubt. "I'm in love with you" doubt. "Are you really", doubt. "Yes I am", doubt. "Will you marry me" doubt. "Yes I will" doubt. No you won't, doubt. You're ugly doubt. So ugly doubt. 8th floor, looking down doubt. Over and out, doubt. Curtain call, doubt. There'll be a standing ovation, doubt. Am I looking alright? doubt. Yes you are, doubt. Am I ready? doubt. Yes you are, doubt. You're ready, doubt. Put on your best smile, doubt. Don't show your teeth, doubt. They're not quite aligned, doubt. Smile and wave doubt. Smile and wave, doubt. Don't give a fuck- doubt. Does he like it when you fuck-doubt. Should I taste it or swallow, doubt. You had his love, doubt. He looked into your eyes and said, and meant it too, "You are the most beautiful thing I ever saw" doubt. Have faith in his eyes, doubt. Believe in his smile, doubt. It will save you, doubt. It will save you, doubt. It's not too-late, doubt. You can still jump, doubt. There's no fall like a free fall, doubt. Jump, doubt. Jump, doubt.

Will-they-pick-up-the-splattered-contents-of-your- spilled-over-soul-and-make-something-new-and-beautiful-out-of-it-doubt.